Beauty Beyond the Bump

After 6 months postpartum, you realize the amount of energy that is exerted with being a mom. Yoga pants and t-shirts become your ultimate best friend. You start to hate seeing mirrors and scales because you still feel unsexy about all the extra weight you've put on. Although it's been a few months after the baby's arrival, you still notice the unsolved issue of your pre-pregnancy clothes still not able to fit perfectly like before. You may not feel completely energized to want to glam yourself up on a day to day basis anymore, that's even if your little one even gives you the chance to :-)

I know all to well everything described. I put on about 15 pounds in my pregnancy. It's not a lot compared to most women but it's enough to change the difference in your overall appearance. And it's so hard trying to manage and juggle your time between time for baby, your spouse, work, if you work outside the home, maintaining a tidy home, getting much needed sleep, and now on top of that, trying to exercise off the baby weight. I'm not going to lie, my exercise life has been nearly non existent. I'm just too exhausted! 

(Goal # 1:

I won't feel 100% until I can get the extra weight off. So my goal this week is to start exercising and make it a goal to stick to it no matter how exhausted I become. I'll need YOU to be my personal cheerleaders!)

Sometimes, you just want to do a little something to doll yourself up and make yourself feel alive and beautiful again. I find it interesting that without even noticing, I've been wearing more makeup than I ever had, at least since high school. Before the baby, I'd occasionally wear eyeliner on my lower lids and NOW I've found myself adding eyeliner to the top and bottom lids and also adding some mascara. And when I really want to go all out, I'd add some eye shadow and maybe a lipstick. Talk about completely night and day. My mom commented on the change she's noticed in me. 

I recently also felt the urge to chop off some of my long locks. I wanted just a trim, but to see how uneven my hair really was and to get all the dead ends off, it required a lot more hair to be snipped then planned. But it definitely came out well. 

I've noticed new moms seem to do makeovers after the baby bump. My conclusion is that these small changes seem to be the trend in new moms probably because we want to feel beautiful again. I'm tired of people seeing me as another exhausted new mom who can't seem to lose the fat because YES! - I had people comment on my belly fat. ->How rude! I guess my main goal is to help myself feel beautiful again.  I know that I am beautiful and I definitely don't agree that makeup defines beauty, but it can help in enhancing the beauty that's already there. (I think it's doing the trick!) And for such a hectic and exhausting lifestyle, you definitely need a little enhancing pick me up. 

What do you think? Have you made any changes to your look post bump? 

The Sleep Dilemma

"Does your baby sleep through the night yet?"

You've been asked it by many since your baby hit that 3 month mark. And if you are anything like my baby and I, the answer is hit or miss. Juliana, like most babies, are on their own schedule. Some nights I can answer YES with pride. A couple weeks ago, she slept the WHOLE night. About 8 hours in her OWN crib. Other nights she'd wake up every 2 hours to feed. Mostly due to her achy itching gums. Those nights happen not so often. On the regular, she sleeps in stretches of 5-6hours. 

According to La Leche League (LLL), sleeping through the night "is defined simply by the ability to sleep for a five-hour stretch, even if that stretch begins at 7 pm and ends at midnight."  Sometimes my Juliana wouldn't fall asleep until about 8pm, wake up around 11, then fall back asleep by 1-2 and be knocked until sunrise around 6:30-7. So by the definition of LLL, I can actually say yes! So I shouldn't be to bummed that she's not "sleeping through the night" like I define it, which is sleeping from 8pm, when I first put her down, until sunrise. That's what I apparently thought when asked that question. And I think that's what people mean when they do ask. It seems as though that La Leche League's rare definition has been the mommies world best kept secret but someone should plaster this news on billboards! I feel a lot better to know now that there isn't something wrong with my bedtime routines or my child's sleep habits. She is actually on target and is a good little sleeper. 

I've been shuffling back and forth with all the countless advice of people's responses when I use to tell them, "no she's not sleeping through the night." They'd give me the same solution to nip her bad habit in the bud and let her cry it out! I don't know about you but I can't bring myself to do that. For those who keep up with my blog, you will know that Juliana was born smaller than most at 4 lbs 10 oz due to placenta/ umbilical attachment issues. She was so tiny and I could barely bring her to my breast to breast feed because her tiny little mouth was overpowered by my large hooters! 

She was also born with  2 holes in her heart. After 2 weeks of being born, she started developing these shortness of breath and gasping episodes. One of which she actually turned slightly blue. So with this, I defied all aspects of things I said I'd never do before Mommy-hood.  I said I'd never co sleep, which I do for obvious reasons, and that I'd listen to the advice of letting her cry it out. Supposedly people say that it helps them "develop their lungs". I don't understand how that is the only way considering their lungs are developing with each breath they take. I didn't want to put my baby at risk for allowing her to cry it out for countless minutes or hours in her crib. Now that she's older and she pretty much is more stable with everything, I still can't bring myself to do it. I definitely don't knock the mommies out there that can do it. All power to you! 

I think co sleeping has wonderful benefits and crying it out, to me, just seems unrealistic when you do co sleep. In my mind, I think it's harsh to allow something that totally depends on you, to sleep alone crying hysterically until they give up hope and fall asleep. If you're my Juliana, she won't stop crying in 10-15 min like most babies. She'd cry and cry only getting louder to the point that her cries start to screech, her voice sounds start sounding hoarse, and she starts to choke on all the built up saliva sitting in her mouth. I'd rush in to see her looking like a rabid animal with foam at the mouth, heart racing like speedy Gonzalez, and drenched in tears! It would take, what seemed like FOREVER, to calm her back down. That's sad to me and I rather not subject my child to that. Every child is definitely different, what works for one, will not always work for the next one. Some might say, "You're going to spoil your child." If they only knew that spoiling a child is actually defined by Wikipedia as a child that exhibits behavioral problems from overindulgence. When you see a spoiled child out on the street, its usually a child throwing temper tantrums because mommy said no, and the mom in turn, gives the child what they wanted to begin with. So in my definition being an observer, a spoiled child is one that has no discipline and acts out by manipulating their parents. These children always get their way. A spoiled child is NOT one who receives nurturing from their parent when in need of it. Isn't that a parents job to begin with? But that's for another article in itself!


Knowing now that I don't have a huge problem of sleep deprivation regarding my little one, I feel more at ease. I did however hear about the no cry method to getting a baby to sleep those longer stretches of 8-10 hours a night. I found and bought "The No Cry Sleep Solution" by Elizabeth Pantley, who seems to have the same logic as I do.  And she developed a solution that has worked for her 4 children and women across the nation. So I am starting to read it and hopefully it will work well for Juliana and I. I'll keep you all updated.

 

Mommy Blues

This past week has been an amazing one. Coming up is a time that my husband and I wanted to make even more special each year now that we have started a family. Our anniversary will no longer just be a day that we remember the vows we made but also a day where we remember that we have started our own little family. And now for the first time, we can start having our annual family anniversary day with our new arrival! 

  Words can't express how truly happy I am with my life and with my little family.  I can't believe how time flies and how fast this girl is growing!

  Already at 6 months of age, I'm starting to get the mommy blues and wish I could make this girls growth slow down a little! But I am glad she's growing up and will be able to show us her own personality soon. 

This past week I decided to write a book on my experiences in pregnancy and life as a new mommy. I'm constructing it in such a way that I don't think has ever been done! It won't be done anytime soon but it's a project set in my heart to finish. Keep an eye out for that! I will keep you all updated. 

Also this week, we kick started our anniversary/ family week by taking some photos. They came out really nice. Thanks to a beginning photographer, which is our dear friend, Heather Terry for allowing us to be her guinea pigs as she practices with us. She also did our maternity photos! She's getting pretty good at it. 

I am so grateful to have so many awesome people in my life. 

Confessions of a New Mom

Whoa! It's been so long since I've gotten a chance to finally write. I can say with pleasure that it's great to be back! Writing is a part of my life and I love being able to share my experiences with everyone. Especially being able to talk about my baby. 

My last update on life as a new mom was at 8 weeks postpartum. And now it has been 23 weeks! Being a new mom is certainly all about juggling your time. It's been a busy few months to say the least. All in all, at 23 weeks postpartum, I'm fully recovered and as much as I remember the agonizing pain of childbirth, I can definitely think about baby #2. <But that wont be anytime soon>

My baby is now 5 months and she has hit some milestones that are completely amazing to me. Once you're a mom, everything your new baby does is the MOST EXCITING thing ever. With simple task as grabbing a toy, or reaching for your cup of juice, sitting up, or taking off a sock; all task that an adult can do and isn't very exciting until you see your baby do them. It's something I live for each day. To see my baby girl develop new skills and grow her own personality is just simply amazing.

 Motherhood is truly the best thing you could ever dream of. By now, I feel more like a pro and not so clueless like I did when I had first brought her home from the hospital. My husband and I looked at each other and were just scratching our heads and relying on my mother to help us with EVERYTHING. But now I can say, I have the confidence I need now. My baby knows me and cries for me and its so bittersweet to know that something so small could love me so much! 

At 5 months, my baby is now suffering from the terrors of teething. The poor child can be fine one moment and then turn into Chuckie the next. All understandable but at the same time, overwhelming. It's also heartbreaking to know that nothing you do could stop the teeth from breaking in. My husband did find a great product that seems to really help her. Its a new product from the product line Earths Best. Its a non medicated teething gel that has different ingredients such as peppermint, chamomille, etc. When I put this on her gums when she's in one of her Godzilla moods, she seems to calm down almost instantly. And if one of her episodes are at night when shes completely restless, she'd fall asleep within 5 minutes after it's use. I definitely don't leave home without it now. 


Teething is a difficult time to get through but the most daunting task is trying to manage your time with your new life. Making time for friends, setting aside time for bible study, or even making time for you and your spouse to have some alone time. It's all difficult to schedule with a baby who is still totally dependent on you. I can't count how many times I'd have a whole day planned and nothing gets done because my baby needed me. It's difficult. But well worth it. Being a parent has truly taught me some valuable lessons: a different aspect of love, being less selfish, and it helps me understand a lot of the hard decisions my parents made regarding me and my siblings. What's interesting is that I feel like having a baby definitely strengthened my relationship with my parents. They are God sent. <3

It has now been 2 months since I've been back at work, and every day I am away from her, just kills me! But like I said in my "The guiltless working mom" article, we live in a world where the economy calls for a 2 person income household. I look at it as, I'm giving my baby the best by working. My husband and I will be able to provide so much more for her than with just one income. So that keeps me going! It's still pretty hard to leave her but what makes it that much easier is the fact that I know she's with caregivers that love her almost as much as I do. That gives me the comfort I need to keep going. 

For all you new moms out there, keep strong! Yes it seems overwhelming for the first couple of months, but it does get better. :)

8 weeks postpartum update

I had my last and final checkup today with my midwife and team. It's a bittersweet feeling to know that I will no longer see them until I have my next baby if I decide to go this route again. Over these past few months, I grew attached to the many smiling and encouraging faces at The Birth Place. They truly made this whole experience easier. From start to finish, I've just had one complicated pregnancy, so it was nice to have a team of medical professionals that knew what they were doing and took every precaution necessary. I'll miss them for now!

On a great note, I had my "V" exam and it looks like I'm finally healed and closed up. There is slight tenderness but for the most part, I'm healed. I was given the green light to resume my normal activities but easing in to them. Glad to know that after these long 8 weeks, I can finally feel somewhat normal again. Of course, I will never be as normal as I was pre-pregnancy. Everything has changed, my body, my emotions, responsibilities, etc. So this is my New normal. 

Symptoms/feelings this week:

I pretty much have no new symptoms. Basically the same as my 6 week postpartum update. The most prominent are: 

Fatigue

Nipple soreness (getting better)

(One symptom I don't miss in pregnancy that I haven't felt since my big D day is the heartburn! I can eat bountifully and not worry about sleepless nights with my throat on fire. Thank God for that!!!!)

By this week, I'm feeling more confident in motherhood. It's like a piece of cake now. I'm looking forward to the many memories I will share with my little girl. She has already gotten so big. It seems just like yesterday I was in the hospital and had no clothes for her to wear since she was so tiny. My mom ran to the store and bought preemie clothes for her to wear. She no longer fits in them nor does she fit in her newborn diapers anymore. She's no longer considered a newborn. It just racks my brain how fast they grow. I got to enjoy these times with her because YES! It goes so fast. 

6 Week Postpartum Update!

Today, I am 6 week postpartum! You'd think I'd be jumping up and down celebrating at this point but come to find out after my check up today, I still have yet to completely heal. During delivery, I did happen to tear (I had a vaginal delivery). It seems as though one of my stitches had popped and I am feeling the pain from a small opening. My midwife says it looks like it is healing, but very slowly now. 

Six weeks is such a long time to just be sitting around and letting everyone do things for you. I'm a busy body and always feel the need to keep moving. If you're anything like that, I warn you now, DON'T DO IT. It will make your healing that much slower. Believe me, I can attest to that. On a better note, my baby is doing just great. She had a 3 pound increase since birth! I'm so proud of her. There is no denying that she's getting well fed. 


Postpartum Symptoms/Feelings this week:

Overwhelmed: Still adjusting with the new changes that bringing a baby into this world does. It truly has changed the lives of my husband and I. 

Fatigue: You feel this all during pregnancy, and still feel it postpartum. You start to ponder, "when will I ever get good sleep again?"

Sore nipples: Yes! This is what pumping around the clock and breastfeeding does to you. I have been reintroducing my baby back on my breast little by little. All I can say is, my nipples are 95% always hard, protruding, and sore. When they brush against my bra or shirt, it can sure enough be uncomfortable. After a couple of suggestions from my lactation nurse, I bought some nipple shells to wear to avoid this. And I also bought some soothing gel pads that stick on to your nipples. It gives off a cooling effect that really feels good. 

Bystander Advice: You think, just because you're not pregnant anymore, that no one will say those random not so nice things to you. HA! It still happens. From how much weight you haven't lost yet to how you should raise your child. The ridicule, bad jokes, and mean comments have just begun!

Emotional Roller coaster: From being so happy you have a newborn to getting down right frustrated when you try all you can to stop them from crying. This can get so exhausting and cause numerous amounts of emotions. Believe me, I go from happy, to blah, to frustrated and upset, to sad, and back to happy again. Phew! I cant keep up. Can I still blame those hormones? 

Cravings/ Appetite increase: Yep, still have them. Sucks, doesn't it? And I always am hungry and thirsty. It has much to do with breastfeeding. It will drain you and cause you to become dizzy and lightheaded if you don't eat and keep well hydrated.

Menstraul Cycle: Welcome back Aunt Flow. Long time no see. :-/

I feel like I'm on cloud 9 when I see and hold my little one. Words can't express the love a mother has for her child. Hopefully I start to feel more like me shortly. I'm getting there little by little but I'm not 100% yet. In the meantime, I will enjoy my little peanut and hopefully she will distract me during this time of recovery!

Skin 2 Skin Product Review

After having a baby, you will hear the words "skin to skin" A LOT. It is highly recommended at the hospital. And for babies like mine that love to be held constantly, sometimes, skin to skin can seem like too much of a burden. But thankfully we are living in a high tech society that thinks up anything and EVERYTHING for babies! 

There are a few products out there that were created to help promote skin to skin contact. Two of which I have found and purchased at Babies R us to give them a try. 

1. Moby wrap

Retails at $44 and, in my opinion, is way to much work! It comes in a very long, thick piece of fabric. If you get hot like me, this wrap is not for you. It also takes way to many steps to get it on completely right. You have to wrap it around your body, tucking in here and tying over there. And I struggled a bit to get my daughter inside correctly so I needed an extra set of hands. It was just too much work so I returned it and bought the Nuroo pocket instead. 

Here are the step by step instructions for the wrap:

Finished product:

2. Nuroo Pocket

Retails a bit more pricier than the moby at $ 59.99. I love this product much better. It is an actual shirt with Velcro closures and a kangaroo pocket on the inside where you place your baby. It's much easier to get on and off and to maneuver your child inside independently. It's less thicker than the moby as well. The only down fall to me is that it's long sleeves so that makes me kind of hot. I'm thinking if it's a problem, I will just snip off the sleeves. Lol

Here are the step by step instructions:

And the finished product:

These products are handy to provide the skin to skin for a bonding experience and promotes nursing as well as keeps your hands free to be able to do other things at the same time. 

I give the Nuroo two thumbs up! :-)

Give either a try and let me know what you think.

The Exclusive Pumping Mom

Having a baby really makes you contemplate on what's best for your child. Deciding whether to breastfeed or formula feed is a huge decision to make. I already knew during my pregnancy that breastfeeding was the way to go. After my breast feeding class, I was so ready to tackle on this awesome bonding experience with my daughter. However, it wasn't as easy as my lactation nurse made it seem. My daughter was born smaller than most due to a rare condition (read my Expect the unexpected article to know more). Due to this, while at the hospital, they strongly recommended that I breastfeed along with supplement with formula since my colostrum would probably not be enough for such a small infant in need of extra calories. This broke my heart to feed her formula because of all the additives and junk the FDA has allowed in them. I made it my duty to give my daughter the best nutrition ever! I opted for breastfeeding but due to some minor complications with latching on and soreness, I needed another way out. So instead of feeding formula through the bottle, I started pumping and giving my baby breast milk through a bottle. Now, whenever my daughter is at the breast, she gives up after 5 minutes because my "let down" is a little to slow for her unlike a bottle. So, I've been making her life easier and opted to become an EXCLUSIVE PUMPING MOM. 

In spite of pumping around the clock, my daughter really seems to love how much easier it is for her to suck from a bottle. In my opinion, as long as she's getting the best milk, it really doesn't matter how it's given. I know I will get some slack about it since all the breast feeding moms out there will just ridicule and tell me to just nurse. I think nursing is cool and all but after the repeated gnawing on my sensitive breast, I became to not like it as much as bottle feeding. I know most moms breast feed and supplement when they are away from baby by pumping... an exclusive pumping mom does the exact opposite. I pump around the clock, at least for the first few months until my milk has pretty much been established. And I can supplement by breastfeeding like at night or whenever a bottle isn't ready to go. Most would think that this would confuse a child, but when I decided to exclusively pump and supplement at the breast, I researched the easiest way to switch back and forth and found these awesome bottle nipples that mimic human nipples making it easier to switch. I bought those nipples and my daughter seems to love them! Its like the best of both worlds to her. 

I say all this to say, don't let people discourage you. YOU do what's best for you and your baby. And remember, just because you're not pregnant anymore, doesn't mean you can eat whatever. I learned that the hard way. Talk about crazy screaming nights of gas pains! I'm glad we are getting out of that era. My daughter's pediatrician gave me this revelation. She told me she knows I'm probably trying to drop those pounds but my baby is obviously showing signs that her sensitive stomach can't handle all the green leafy vegetables in my salad and all the gassy foods like broccoli and beans. So I deleted those things out of my diet and my baby's gas has gotten better. 

My Routine:

After researching on how to exclusively pump, I could not find any actual routine. So for all the moms that would like to exclusively pump, here’s mine! In my research I learned that in the first few months postpartum, it is important to establish a good milk supply. To do this, you should be pumping every 2 hours and pumping at least 8 times a day. After the first few months, you have trained your body to produce a good amount of milk and pumping this much wont be necessary.

First, make sure you have a good pump! I have a Medela pump in style advance which is an electric double pump. This makes pumping so much easier and quicker since you can pump both sides at the same time! I think it retails at $54-$60. I got mine for free from my insurance company. Make sure to ask your insurance company and request this pump.

Second, create a schedule. I pump every 3 hours for 20-30 minutes a session. I have a good flow so I can get about 3-4 oz each breast. When I skip a session, I can get up to 8 oz! Yes, I have a very good supply!

Third, make sure to store. A benefit of pumping this much is that you can establish a good supply for storage. I was overwhelmed at first because I would pump enough to just fill a bottle to feed my baby. If I did not pump, she could not eat. When I established a routine, things got so much easier. I now have so much milk, I started storing in the deep freezer! (Pumping increases milk supply)

And that’s basically it. It’s hard. It takes a lot of work and dedication. And you will need tons of support from your significant other and family members to help out during your pumping sessions so you have someone to tend to your baby while you pump. If you don’t have someone all the time, do what I do, invest in a nursing bra that will hold your pumps to your breast leaving your hands free and prop your baby up next to you in a boppy pillow or baby swing or seat. As long as you pump for at least 15 minutes or even hand express, you’re good. Just make sure to get in a few good pumping sessions a day. You can do this!

Top 3 Thursdays

1. Boppy Pillow

My number one mommy must have! This makes life so much easier during feedings since it helps support your arms and the baby as you hold them. It also is a good seat for your baby to be placed in the middle of when you want them nearby as you get some household things done! I love this thing.

2. Nipple Shield:

Have sore nipples? This is a must have. They come in different sizes so make sure you get the right size. This nipple goes over yours and the baby latches on to this. As the milk flows out of your breast, it collects into this nipple. It protects your nipple when they are so sore or cracked. This definitely makes breastfeeding a lot easier. I will carry this in my baby bag or purse where ever I go!

3. Lansinoh Momma bottles with Natural wave nipples:

These bottles are heaven sent. I received one for free as a gift for being an expectant mother. I read the box and seen that the natural wave nipple is good for colicky and gassy babies because these nipples have air ventilation that help control the amount of air that is sucked in. These nipples also mimic after a mothers breast making it easier to switch back and forth between bottle and breast. This is by far and awesome product and my baby's favorite bottle. I'm off to go buy some more!

"With Great Anticipation II"

“Blessed shall be the offspring of your body and the produce of your ground and the offspring of your beasts, the increase of your herd and the young of your flock.”- Deuteronomy 28:4

Pregnancy can seem like the longest adventure you’ll ever encounter. It’s a waiting game. You wait for that baby to develop and watch this happen with each passing week. And you wait for the end of it all where you will be united with a little person you already grew to love so much. That last and glorious day has changed from a mere dream to reality for me.

After my 24^th week of pregnancy, I basically started “the last hunch” countdown to the BIG D-day! I was super excited when I hit my 28^th week. I had finally crossed over into my last trimester. It made being pregnant more surreal in knowing that in a few short weeks, my little princess will be here in my arms at last. This week my baby was the size of an eggplant, roughly weighing in at 1.5-2.5 pounds. At this stage, her lungs were mature enough to be able to live outside of the womb and breathe on her own. Such a miraculous thought in knowing this little person would be able to survive without me.  After talking with my midwife, I found out that there is a policy at her birthing center that states only full term mothers will be able to birth there. She explained to me that I’d have to make it to 37 weeks. This of course alarmed me because I had so many fears of delivering preterm and having to experience a hospital birth. My greatest fear was having to deliver by cesarean. And from what I’ve seen, hospitals = cesarean. At least from what I’ve noticed. It was within this week that a close friend of mine delivered her baby by cesarean due to complications. At only 26 weeks, she gave birth to a beautiful 2 pound baby boy. This startled me into thinking something like that could happen to me. I learned the hard way that things don’t always go as planned with pregnancy. (Make sure to read Expect the Unexpected) So I continued to pray and let God give me the peace I need to make it through these next few weeks without stressing over the what ifs.

At week 30, I began my 10 week countdown. My baby was now the size of a cucumber weighing in at 2.5- 3.8 pounds. At this stage, the skin continues to smooth and the brain is getting more wrinkled to make way for more brain tissue. This week I began making the last finishing touches for my preparation. With my hospital bags packed and in the trunk of my car along with the car seat my husband installed, I was mentally prepared for the unexpected. I was ridiculed by many for this, they stated I was rushing and it was just too soon to be that prepared! It reminded me of my favorite parable in the bible. The Parable of the 10 virgins. In this parable, Christ described 2 different groups of people: 5 of the 10 that were mentally, spiritually, and physically prepared for the unexpected, and the other 5 that were unprepared and tried scrambling around at the last minute. It was when they heard the bridegroom coming that they tried to get prepared quickly so they wouldn’t miss out. These 5 ended up leaving to get what they needed meanwhile leaving the 5 prepared virgins to greet the bridegroom and leave with Him. When the 5 slackers came back, they noticed they missed the call and it was too late. This is a great example of how God’s disciples should be in everyday life. Always prepared, always ready.

“Watch therefore, because you do not know the day nor the hour” – Matthew 25:13

“So you must also be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour you do not expect.” – Matthew 24:44

So I just shrugged off all the remarks and kept myself prepared and ready to go. The funny thing is, no one truly knows when a baby will decide they’re ready to come into the world. A due date is only an estimation, not to be taken as the real deal. In this logic, at 30 weeks, I could begin laboring any day or week following.

At week 32, my baby was the size of squash weighing in at 2.5-3.8 pounds. At my prenatal visit, it was discovered that my baby had dropped head down into my lower pelvis preparing for birth! This alarmed the nurses since the whole pregnancy I made little weight gain and my belly’s circumference started measuring smaller than what it should be. At 32 weeks, I should be measuring at 32 centimeters and was only measuring at 28 centimeters. So I was sent for an emergency ultrasound at the hospital to check on the status of my baby. After the ultrasound and other testing, it was determined that my little girl was a tiny one but strong and healthy. They diagnosed Juliana with intrauterine growth restriction (IUGR) meaning she is developing underweight compared to the average baby. They wanted to continue to monitor me in the next few weeks. This news made my midwife place me on partial bed rest and told me to drink protein shakes to fatten up my little one. This was a scary moment for me in my pregnancy and believed it could have been my fault as to why my baby wasn’t growing. I tried not to over think it and placed it in God’s hands.

 “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.”- Philippians 4:6-7

At 37 weeks, my baby was the size of a winter melon and should be weighing in at 6.2-9.2 pounds.  My baby was practicing some skills such as inhaling/ exhaling, sucking, gripping, and blinking. This was an exciting week for me since this is the week that put me at full term. So I was able to deliver with my midwife at the birthing center and have a natural birth! All of my praying has paid off just as He says it would.

“Ask and it will be given to you, seek and you will find, knock and the door will be opened to you.” – Matthew 7:7

It was then I realized my little one will be here any day now. It was all so overwhelmingly exciting for me. I began the last finishing touches of my baby’s nursery and started my nesting phase where I needed to get everything cleaned and spotless!

At week 38, my baby was the size of a pumpkin and should still be weighing in the 6.2-9.2 pound range. At this stage, my baby was shedding the white goo that protected her skin against the fluid and her head circumference would finally measure as the same circumference as her abdomen. At this week’s prenatal check up, my midwife checked the position of my baby and felt what seemed to be a bony protrusion. She stated it did not feel like a nice round head and wondered if my baby was still head down. So I was sent to yet another ultrasound! I went to an outpatient radiology center where the doctor on staff read my scan and determined my baby girl was way too small to be 38 weeks along. He went as far to say that with measurements like this, my baby should be due the first week of July! The results were faxed to my midwife right away and as I was explaining this to my husband once I got home, I got a call from my midwife stating that these results alarmed her and she wanted me to head over to the hospital emergency room for an evaluation from an OB. This definitely alarmed me in so many ways! I’m thinking to myself, didn’t they already determine this a few weeks ago and claim everything was fine with the baby? Why are they making this such a huge deal! I started crying to my husband telling him that I didn’t want to go. I had made it to that hospital twice and was released without any complications and was so sure that this time will be different! And man, was I right!

I got another ultrasound done at the hospital after waiting in the ER triage for hours! The results of this one matched the same findings as the first. The OB on staff at the time came in to speak with my husband and I and told me that my baby shouldn’t be measuring this small at 38 weeks and that there is something wrong here. The next words coming out of her mouth were words I feared to hear. “We think the best thing now is to go ahead and induce.” I laughed it off and questioned her. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing! She stated that my baby was not getting the proper nourishment it needed in my womb and at this point would do be doing better outside of my womb. She tells my mom, who is just as hysterical as I am, that if we don’t do this, there is a possibility that we will lose Juliana. With that being said, we agreed to the terms and I began preparations to becoming induced. Since there were no beds available on the high risk unit, we had to wait until morning before being induced. I spent my night in triage thinking and praying about all possible outcomes. I tried thinking only positively until remembering that God granted this child to me, so I know HE will get us out of this unharmed.

“And if any of you do lack wisdom, let him ask from God, who is giving to all liberally, and not reproaching, and it shall be given to him; and let him ask in faith, nothing doubting, for he who is doubting hath been like a wave of the sea, driven by wind and tossed, for let not that man suppose that he shall receive anything from the Lord “ – James 1:5-7

I had to remember to not doubt God because through Him, all things are made possible!

“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” – Romans 15:13

Early that morning, I was able to get a bed and was moved to the high risk unit where I was induced with Cervidil which started at 9:30am. This was the moment I feared throughout my whole pregnancy! For the next few hours, I experienced the greatest pain I have ever encountered in my life! Although I wasn’t giving birth at the birthing center with my midwife, I tried to make this experience like I would have wanted and the most natural. To my surprise, the hospital staff allowed more freedom and time to labor then I expected. I wasn’t attached to an IV, I was able to eat and drink, and I was able to have my doula and as many family members with me to get through the most difficult task I ever encountered. To my amazement, throughout the intensifying pain, I found myself screaming out that I couldn’t do this and needed pain medication right away. The pain, being so great, had put me into a state of delirium. My nurse came in with some medication and pushed it through my IV hep lock. At the time, I was told it was pain medication but it turned out to be something to relax me. It did help, for about an hour only!

Two hours after being induced, I was already at 3 cm! Shortly after I was checked again to find out that I dilated more and was now 5 cm! It was at this point that it seemed as if the pain dramatically intensified to numbers I can’t even fathom. I definitely thought that I was near death! My doula and my mom kept telling me at each contraction to breathe and to keep my mind fixated on something pleasant. I kept my mind fixated on God and how he must be looking down on me smiling at the miraculous thing taking place. Another beautiful being about to be born in this world as a potential king in HIS Kingdom to come!

“..and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and Perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.” – Hebrews 12:2

“Look to the LORD and his strength; seek his face always.” – 1 Chronicles 16:11

It seems as if only 30 minutes had passed before the doctor came into the room to check me and I heard the words “She’s complete!” A sigh of relief came upon me as I knew the worse has already occurred. I have experienced the peak of pain in my contractions and it wouldn’t get any worse then what I already felt. That gave me some peace of mind! In the next couple of seconds, my room filled up with tons of medical personnel. I couldn’t even see or hear my family or my doula anymore. It was at this moment that I just blocked everything out, kept my eyes closed, and fixated on God. I was praying silently in my head for HIS strength to get through this next stage of labor. As they were transferring me from the room I was in to the delivery floor, I kept hearing the nurses talk back and forth about how “in the zone” I was and that I was a super trooper to be doing this "au natural". It made me feel good and gave me the encouragement I needed to begin the next step in labor and delivery. Once I reached the delivery room, they set me up on the bed and told me when I have the urge to push during a contraction, go ahead and do it. I felt that urge, and I pushed for 10 long seconds, took a breath, and did it again, repeating about 3 times. Each push led me closer to meeting my little precious baby girl. After 20 minutes of this cycle, my baby girl popped out with ease! My eyes still closed, and my body drenched in sweat, I felt like I had been hit by a mack truck repeatedly. All the agonizing moments of labor, and the whole process of pregnancy had been all a dream once they placed my little girl on my chest to meet her mommy for the first time. I was so exhausted by the torment of the last few hours that I wasn't conscience enough to take in that moment fully. I held her for a few seconds before the nurse took her from me and rushed her down to the nursery to run some test. My husband and I had our touching lovable moments together, then he kissed my sweaty forehead before running after our little girl. 

After being stitched up and made comfortable in recovery, I had time to mentally realize what had just occurred. This little person I anticipated meeting for the past 9 months was finally here! And although I had just endured what seemed like a never ending cycle of torment, I quickly forgot all about it when I was moved to my recovery room and my little girl was placed in my arms once again. I looked down at my little girl with tears filling my eyes and I thanked the God above for all his miraculous wonders! I remembered the scripture in John where it talks about childbirth:

“When a woman is giving birth, she has sorrow because her hour has come, but when she has delivered the baby, she no longer remembers the anguish, for joy that a human being has been born into the world.” –John 16:21

It’s so crazy to me how quickly we can forget the agony we go through once we meet our little bundle of joy. Those next few hours of bonding with my baby made everything I ever hoped for all surreal. I couldn’t believe that all the planning, trying to conceive, announcement of my pregnancy and sex of the baby, and the last few weeks of pregnancy, have all come and gone. My anticipation was quickly and unexpectedly rendered on May 23, 2014. What a joy it was to experience all that I have experienced. And I know that this little girl is truly special and God has major plans for her in the future.

“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.” –James 1:17