2 Week Postpartum Update

It's officially 2 weeks after the birth of my little girl. I can honestly say, these past 2 weeks have been the most happiest time of my life and also the most exhausting. 

My baby has changed in appearance so much in these last two weeks, mainly because she's growing darker and looking more and more like her daddy. Since Juli was born under weight, I've had to make a few trips to her pediatrician to make sure she's gaining an appropriate amount. In just these last 2 weeks, she has surpassed her birth weight from 4 lbs 10 oz to 5 lbs 2 oz. Thank God for that!

Now that I have experienced the ins and outs of pregnancy, I can happily say I have love hate emotions about it. Everyone that knows me understood that the last few weeks of pregnancy was killing me and I couldn't wait to not be pregnant anymore. Ironically, I now miss the feeling of my little girl being in my belly. At times, I think I can still feel a kick here and there but I think it's all in my head. It's nice to actually see how my baby acts now and compare it to the weird feelings I felt when she was in my belly. It's nice to make the connection. 

Adapting to mommy hood is a roller coaster ride! Many scares and long nights awake to make sure my baby has everything she needs. I find myself staying awake during her cat naps overnight to make sure she's still breathing. I even pick her up and place her on my chest and doze off with her so I know when she's up and so I can feel her chest rising as she breathes in and out.  It can be pretty nerve racking. Especially when your child has been diagnosed with some heart issues.

 The most trying task of all is knowing how to get sleep when she's asleep. I feel so exhausted all the time from my very long nights awake with her. (Yes! My baby is a night owl; She sleeps very good during the day.) I'm glad I have great family members like my mom/dad that have been helping my hubby and I with the baby and keeping up our home as I recover. What would I do without them? 

Another challenge would have to be breast feeding. My baby isn't the problem, it's me apparently. The initial latch on is hard for me. I always get crunched on. So I fell in love with my electric pump. Which is still a lot of work to me. Especially when you produce a lot of milk. I have to pump after every feeding which is about every 2 hours. Besides the frequency and feeling like a cow, it's pretty easy! And you get a feeling of accomplishment when you see bottles full of food that your own body produced for your baby. 

I won't lie, my first week with my baby, I grew very overwhelmed, anxious, and stressed. My emotions took over and I grew sad and cried it out one day. I, of course, expressed this to my husband and my mother. Feelings like that can always lead to postpartum depression. So if you ever feel down after pregnancy, definitely call someone and don't let your emotions take over. My husband and I think that it should be mandatory to explain all of the postpartum stuff in more detail. Especially with the healing time and postpartum bleeding. Some days, I get freaked out by the amount of blood. Apparently, breastfeeding/ pumping causes you to bleed out more which I did not know! I think it would of been nice to know that beforehand. 

When I was pregnant, all I heard were countless stories of other women and their pregnancy horror stories and how I won't ever get any sleep again and that my little girl will take my place in my husbands heart. A lot of things, if you ask me, is stuff you shouldn't express to a pregnant women who is already anxious, uncomfortable, and sometimes fearful of the future that isn't so far off. As a friend of mine mentioned in her blog, people should say nothing but encouraging things to pregnant women. Uplift their spirits, don't crush them! 

In spite of my exhaustion, I enjoy every second I get with my daughter. I think it's well worth the discomfort of pregnancy and the pain of labor. I'm so in love with her and my new role as a mom. 

Last letter to my baby girl

This is the last letter I wrote before Juliana's birth. When writing this, I was at the hospital in triage waiting to be admitted to the high risk unit to become induced the next morning. It's not much, but writing it helped calm some nerves. Thought I'd share this last touching moment:

May 23, 2014

12:44 am 

Dear Juliana,

  I've reached 38 weeks! And you have given me the big run around since the time I hit 28 weeks. You are something else girl. I'm now at the hospital getting ready to be induced meaning that you will be in my arms very soon! I've been dying to meet you but at the same time am worried about your well being. But I know that the God we serve has HIS powerful hands over you and for me. Everything will be ok. I love you baby girl. And I will see you soon!

Love Mommy!

Expect the Unexpected

 Many women today are very adamant about how they'd like their pregnancy and deliveries to go. Who can blame them? I know that I like to feel that I'm in control over things in my life. With my pregnancy journey, I learned a huge lesson, expect the unexpected!

At my 38 week appointment, what seemed to be going so well, took a turn to yet another emergency ultrasound. This time, to check Juli's position since it wasn't feeling normal to my midwife. 

I rushed off to a radiology group to get an ultrasound done for the results to scare people enough to send me to the hospital for an evaluation. From that evaluation, it was determined that induction must take place. 

Talk about an unexpected day! I'm thinking I have 2 more weeks to go but in reality, Juli will be here within the next 24-48 hours. I was scared, confused, and just overwhelmed by the information the OB was telling me. I kept telling her that I was there a month ago and they cleared me that Juli was fine and that she's just smaller in her stage of development. When the OB assured me that now at 38 weeks she's still measuring too small and that something is wrong. Possibly the placenta, where a baby gets all it's nutrients from, and they wouldn't know until it's out. She said I can continue to have a natural birth because a c-section is not on their mind unless something happens. As hysterical as I was, I asked them what would happen if I wait and let things go naturally, they tell me that Juli can possibly die if she stays any longer in the womb. With that being said, I let go and let God get me through this as I signed the consent form to induce. 

Everything after that, happened so fast! Induced at 9:30 am and Juli popped out at 4:54 pm. Talk about a short labor for a first timer. And Juli came out at 4 lbs and 10 oz 18.5 inches long. 

When they examined the placenta, the umbilical cord was not located where it should have been. All umbilical cords connect to the center of the placenta where all the arteries and veins that deliver the nutrients from mom to baby. In this case, the umbilical cord connected to the fetal membranes instead. This very rare condition was described to me as Velamentous Cord Insertion. The exposed vessels are not protected by whartons jelly, which is a jelly that protects the veins inside the umbilical cord, and are vulnerable to rupture likely resulting in stillbirth. So I understand why induction was pushed and why my baby girl was not growing properly. Everyone just kept telling me in amazement that my baby girl is a survivor to have made it to 38 weeks.

So, it goes to show you that no matter how hard you try to keep  up with schedules, write down do's and dont's on a birth plan, or even wanting to deliver with your midwife in a tub full of water, everything will happen the way God intends. I am blessed and happy to know that my baby girl is finally here, alive and healthy. A survivor! A miracle only brought to me by the divine intervention and the grace of God above!

Make sure to check for my upcoming article discussing the second half of my pregnancy called "With Great Anticipation Pt. 2"